


In My Head

by quietly_desperate



Series: 15 Days of Fics [8]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Daydreaming, Gay Panic, Justin has a good imagination amen, Kissing, M/M, Sassy Alex Standall, Sexuality Crisis, this is really stupid but whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:27:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24856843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietly_desperate/pseuds/quietly_desperate
Summary: Alex has nice fingers, actually.•••In which Justin has a slight sexuality crisis.
Relationships: Justin Foley/Alex Standall
Series: 15 Days of Fics [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787188
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	In My Head

As the final bell of the week rang out, the sound of chairs scraping against linoleum floors and feet pounding like a hoard followed suit. Everyone struggled against the crowd, a rat race forming as they tried to be the first to freedom. This was a usual occurrence every Friday. Nobody wanted to be the last one left behind.

That was, nobody but Justin. When his peers shoved their papers into their rucksacks and raced out of their seats, Justin took his time to put his books away neatly. When his friends struggled to open their lockers because they were so desperate to leave, he opened his easily and used his extra time to sort out the mess that has accumulated in there. As the sound of lockers slamming shut echoed in the hall, Justin remained stock still, simply observing his surroundings.

There were a few reasons as to why Justin was taking his time. For one, Meth Seth has returned and had his mum drugged up to the point of oblivion. The sight was horrifying. So Justin had taken to staying out as long as he could bare, only returning home when he absolutely had to, or in the worst case scenario, sleeping on a park bench.

After everything that had happened with Bryce, there was no way he was reducing himself to a helpless puppy and beg for his help. There was always a bed at Zach’s place for him if he needed, but Justin’s pride was preventing him from reaching out. He had to be a big boy now.

The other reason came in the form of one Alex Standall. He had been staying behind for the past week to practise his number in the upcoming recital. Justin only knew of this because he managed to get it out of Alex one drunken night.

He’d expresses his disappointment towards his parents’ lack of care for his interests. They weren’t coming to the recital, let alone acknowledging that it was an upcoming event, and the way Alex had said that so brokenly had in turn broken Justin.

He had made a decision that night to be there for Alex as much as he could. If he couldn’t make the recital, he’d at least watch him practise and encourage him on. He knew what it was like to have absent parents and the likes of Alex didn’t deserve that shit. It was the least he could do.

Which was why he had hung back whilst his friends had raced out of the school to start their weekend. He waited until he was sure the majority of the building was empty before he headed to the music room. He wasn’t ashamed of supporting Alex, but he knew his friends would take it the wrong way. Fucking idiots.

Alex had his back to Justin, head bent as he tuned his guitar. Justin used the distraction to his advantage. He quietly slipped inside the room, dropped his bag by the door and jumped up onto one of the desks. Alex didn’t hear him or he was ignoring him. Either way, he hadn’t turned around.

And then he started playing and Justin was enraptured by the sound. Alex may not have loved playing the guitar, but there was no doubt that he was amazing at manipulating the strings to make a beautiful sound. There was something almost sensual about the way Alex played. It drove Justin crazy.

He pictured long, slender fingers, plucking and brushing over the tight strings. He watched Alex’s back swaying as he brought sounds to life, how it was stiff and almost subconscious, but by all means still precious. Justin had never found backs or fingers all that interesting. Alex had changed his perspective.

He leaned forward and rested his head on his hand. How come he hadn’t done this sooner? This whole performance was beautiful and captivating. It was a wonder Alex didn’t like playing the guitar, seeing as it came so easy to him. How he managed to turn it into more than playing an instrument - it was an art.

The piece hit its climax, then crashed and burned in a heartbreaking ending. Justin had seen pianists and violinists perform pieces that demanded attention and encouraged emotion, but never a guitarist. Alex was _that_ good.

When he finished, Justin rose to his feet and gave him a thunderous round of applause. Considering it was only him in the room, he managed to set the whole room off with acclamation. Which would have been a lovely sentiment if Alex hadn’t been so shocked that he screamed and fell onto the floor in a lanky heap.

”Shit,” Justin said, rushing to Alex’s side to help him up. Alex only cursed at him and pushed his outstretched arm away, getting up on his own accord.

”I’m so sorry,” Justin continued. “I wanted to surprise you but...I didn’t think you’d react like that.”

”Yeah, well what did you expect?” Alex scowled. “I’m just trying to practise and you scare the shit out of me. I thought that I was alone.”

”You didn’t hear me come in?”

”What? No? _How long_ have you been here?”

Justin rubbed the back of his neck. He couldn’t bring himself to look Alex in his eyes. “I came in as you were tuning your guitar.”

”Jesus Christ.”

This was not the reaction Justin was hoping for. He was expecting appreciation, happiness that he had decided to stick around and hear Alex play. Instead, all he felt was guilty and kind of stupid. It was obvious that Alex didn’t want an audience, whether or not they were there to be kind.

”I’m sorry,” Justin said again.

Alex shook his head. “If I had broken my guitar, you would have had to pay for it, you know that right?” Justin nodded, to which Alex clicked his tongue. “Whatever. Just leave.”

Justin’s heart sank. He didn’t want to go. Leaving meant not being around Alex, who had a calming effect on him. Leaving meant having to go back to his mum’s and watching as she was force fed a series of pills. Leaving meant Meth Seth and sleeping on park benches for the weekend. Justin didn’t want to leave.

Alex turned away to retune his guitar. His body language spoke volumes; he was done with the conversation, but Justin wasn’t giving up that easily.

”Hey, look, c’mon,” he said, running after Alex as he moved away. “You’re really good at that guitar shit and I really wanna listen you play.”

Alex scoffed. “What am I, your performance dummy? If you wanna come see me perform, come to the recital. Oh, wait, you’re too cool for that.”

”I’m not!” Justin argued. “You know I wouldn’t be able to go even if I wanted to.”

”Why not?”

The room filled with silence. Justin’s skin felt hot and prickly at the awkwardness. Was Alex that unaware of why he couldn’t come? Of how much drama it would cause if he showed his face in front of all those people?

”Oh,” Alex eventually said. “Jessica.”

Justin hissed out a breathed. “Yeah.”

Alex turned around with a grim smile. Apparently he did understand the repercussions if Justin turned up at the recital. He wasn’t on good terms with Jessica, and she had threatened to deck him the next time she saw him. Justin didn’t doubt that one bit.

”Fine,” Alex conceded. “You can stay. Just, don’t pull any of that stupid scaring shit again, okay?”

”Yeah, whatever, thanks.”

Justin calmly walked back to the desk he was sitting on before, but he felt like he couldn’t have jumped for joy. He could have kissed Alex, he was that excited. He didn’t have to leave, he could stay with Alex and listen to him play until they were sick of each other.

Alex was quick to resume playing. He tested out a few notes before he began strumming out the piece he had played before. Justin got comfortable, sitting crossed legged on the desk so all his attention was on Alex. He wanted to give him his undivided attention. He wanted to lose himself in the music.

And lose himself he did, except, not in the music. It was definitely a nice soundtrack to his thoughts, but Justin was much too focused on something else.

He had a full, unhidden view of Alex’s fingers, and boy oh boy wasn’t that making Justin squirm. No longer did he have to try to imagine how those fingers moved; now he could watch them for himself.

Alex got lost in the music as he had before, swaying to the tune he was producing. If Justin had been captivated before, seeing Alex head on was even more glorious. He wanted to record this moment and replay it every time he needed a pick-me-up. There was nothing more beautiful than watching someone get lost in the moment.

And those fingers - how could one not watch those magnificent fingers move? The more he watched, the further into the darkness Justin’s thoughts wondered.

By the time Alex had started to wrap up the piece, Justin was trying to contain his shivers. He wasn’t gay, so why was he having such intimate thoughts over Alex and his fingers? It felt wrong, but also so, so right.

”So, what’d’ya think?” Alex asked.

Justin looked up and froze. He hadn’t been listening. He hadn’t even realised that the music had stopped. All he could focus on were those goddamn fingers and those fucking lips that mouthed the notes as the fingers played them -

“Justin?” Alex prompted.

”Huh? Oh, it was great. Really good.”

Alex scowled. “Remind me to never come to you for constructive criticism. You suck.”

”Do I look like a fucking music prodigy to you?”

”No, but I thought you’d have a more intelligent response than that.”

They grinned. All this banter was in good nature. At least, that’s what Justin thought.

“So.” Alex put down his guitar and jumped up onto the table beside Justin. “Any particular reason as to why you wanted to watch me play the guitar?”

”Because you’re good?” Justin said, cringing afterwards. That sounded way too much like a question.

”Right,” Alex nodded, “because I’m good. Anything else?”

Justin’s eyes locked onto Alex’s lips. He could fell the heat of his fingers by his thumb, and it took all his strength not to reach out and grasp them in his own. What the goddamn motherfucking fuck?

”Nothing else,” he croaked out.

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

”No.”

And then Justin was kissing Alex. It wasn’t soft or slow, it was hard and rough and fast, all teeth and tongue and want. Alex groaned into Justin’s mouth, which went straight to his crotch. That was the hottest sound Justin had ever heard.

He grabbed Alex’s fingers and began playing with them. Slow and steady, he raised them up to his lip. Alex pulled back with a gasp, which only granted Justin the opportunity to begin sucking on his fingers.

”Oh God,” Alex moaned. “Oh, fuck, don’t stop.”

Justin grinned. He had Alex right where he wanted him. Putty in his hands.

”Justin,” Alex said, but it didn’t sound right. It didn’t matter, he was probably just horny.

”Justin,” he said again, but this time, it definitely didn’t sound right. It didn’t even sound like Alex.

”Justin!”

He jumped and looked behind him. He was still at his locker, Zach beside him. The hallways were mostly empty. He hadn’t even made it to the music room, too busy daydreaming. Shit.

”You okay, man?” Zach asked in concern.

”Yeah,” Justin replied, nodding his head. “Just thinking things over. What’s up?”

”I know Seth’s back,” Zach said gently. “Do you wanna crash at mine this weekend?”

Justin let out a sigh of relief. God bless Zach Dempsey.

”Yeah, that would be good, thanks,” he said. “Let me just-“

”Just...?”

Justin looked in the direction he would have had to go if he was going to visit the music room. He still had time to pop in, say hello, tell Alex how good he was at playing the guitar, but after that daydream...Justin felt weird. He felt hot and uncomfortable, like someone had locked him in a car in the middle of summer without any aircon. He was in no state to see Alex now. The boy could wait until next week.

He shook his head and looked back at Zach. “Never mind. Let’s go.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have no fucking clue what this is but I’m moving soon and I’m tired so here you go. Apologies for stupidity.


End file.
